III. Wheels

Cankerworm's chamber bore a strong resemblance to an executive office. Darrus doubted it had always looked this way, but he guessed its tone had remained consistent throughout the centuries. This was the abode of a being of power, the office said.

Cankerworm himself took the form of a middle-aged businessman, right down to the wing-tip loafers. His suit was black and his eyes were blood red.

"Darrus." said the Archdevil. "Good, the Succubus reached you. I have a job for you."

Darrus lit a cigarette. "And how is this different from normal?"

Cankerworm grinned. His teeth came to points. "You do your job well, Darrus. It keeps you in demand."

Cankerworm, being an embodiment of corruption, paid lip service to Darrus' skills only when it was convenient. Cankerworm spent most of their time together looking down his nose at Darrus, waiting for the demon to screw up, often throwing out threats of what would happen if he did. Darrus had learned to shrug both off.

"So, what infernal task do you have for me now?"

"There is a package in New Liberty, and a man who wants it. It is in our interest to make sure this happens. You will be facilitating this change of possession."

Darrus blew a cloud of smoke. "So, you called me here from literally another planet in order to give me duties as a drug runner? I mean, I hear church attendance is up, what with the world basically being a kettle of shit right now, but is Hell really doing that poorly?"

Cankerworm's grin vanished. "It's not a box of drugs. If anything, it's the opposite. And the task is more complicated than you think. We're not certain where exactly the item is, only that it resides inside Tower Zero. You'll need to get it out, and do it without overwalking."

Darrus' eyebrow rose. "Any particular reason why I can't overwalk?"

"The package's contents is at least partially organic. Overwalking will kill it and make it worthless."

"So what exactly is in this little box?"

"That is on a need-to-know basis, and you haven't been cleared."

Darrus glared at Cankerworm. "On whose authority?"

Cankerworm's reply was barely above a whisper. "The Lightbringer."

Darrus' eyes widened. "The Lightbringer? As in the Morning Star, the Prince of Darkness, the Lord of the Air, the Seven-Headed Dragon? That Lightbringer?"

Cankerworm nodded. "That Lighbringer."

Darrus thought for a moment, puffing his cigarette. "So first I have to figure out just where this box is. Then I have to recover it and I would presume deliver it somewhere without overwalking. I would assume I'll need to be gentle with the box, too?"

"Correct. The contents must be safeguarded. Also, don't open the package--you risk the contents dying if it's exposed to any airborn pathogens." Cankerworm saw Darrus' expression of confusion and added, "I think I can go so far as to say that the contents of the package includes an aquatic lifeform and open air isn't good for it. As for delivery, you're correct. You'll be meeting an operative for the relevant organization in a small cafe a few blocks down from Tower Zero--it's the closest inconspicuous location to the Tower."

"So I'm expected to sneak a box (that I'm going to go out on a limb and assume is of some importance if even Hell doesn't know where it is) out of the highest security facility in New Liberty, out past its walls, then carry it down the street for a few blocks, all without overwalking or being detected. Would I be wrong if I assumed I'm being left to my own devices to figure out how to do this all?"

"Yes, you would. You've been authorized the use of a demon engine. You'll be briefed on its operation once this meeting is concluded."

Darrus nodded. “A set of wheels, that should be a nice change.”

“There’s one other important issue. Don’t get caught. I don’t care what means you use to get the package out of the building, but it cannot register as anything supernatural. It is imperative that this look like a human operation. Our involvement in this transaction has to be kept secret or the whole mission counts for nothing. Leave nothing more substantial than anecdotal evidence, understand?”

“Not a problem,” said Darrus. It was a lie—that detail would make this infinitely more complicated.

“Good. One last thing. The package you’re looking for is called Project Grendel, Revision Eight. It will be in the development wing of Tower Zero.”

“Project Grendel, Revision Eight. Now, how about a threat for what will happen if I screw up. You know, just for tradition’s sake.”

Cankerworm snorted. “I told you, the Lightbringer has taken personal interest in this job. I don’t think I need to elaborate on what will happen if you disappoint the sovereign of Hell.”

If Darrus still had sweat glands, a wave of cold sweat would have washed over him. Instead, his face did all the work informing Cankerworm that the threat had worked. “Right, I’ll go check out that demon engine.”

Cankerworm nodded. Darrus overwalked out the door and into the garage. Hell’s garage endless, filled with means of travel that were as primitive and exotic as infernal llama caravan and as advanced as a Scion IV Martian colonization pod, a device capable of carrying five thousand colonists from Earth orbit to Martian touchdown. The vehicle Darrus was looking for sat directly in front of him.

It was a midsize black sedan. It was identical to the Miramo “Spirit,” one of the most ubiquitous vehicles on the streets of New Liberty. As a whole, the vehicle was just was Darrus preferred—inconspicuous, able to blend in with the city and hide in plain sight.

"Howdy," said a demon next to the car. He had a short brown goatee and appeared to be wearing protective goggles. "The name's Blix, and yo u must be Darrus. Let me show you what this baby can do."

Blix climbed into the driver's seat. Darrus sat down in the passenger's seat and looked on. Blix pulled a set of jingling objects from his pocket. "To start her up, put any one of these keys into the ignition. I know keyed interfaces are a little old school, but they're still common enough it shouldn't raise any questions. Like I said, any of these keys will work, but nobody carries a ring with just one key on it--it's the sort of thing people notice. Now then, you just turn it forward like this."

Blix turned the key and the car's engine started, humming pleasantly as it sipped power from the fuel cell under the hood. At least, that was what Darrus assumed--given that this was not in fact a Spirit, but a demonic construct, it was entirely possible the sound of the engine was entirely artificial.

"I know how they work." said Darrus. "I used to have keyed interface car."

Blix shook his head. "That's a relief. You'd be surprised how many I get coming through here that need it explained to them. Now then, let's take a look at the actual features of this vehicle."

Blix indicated a pair of buttons, one mounted on each side of the steering wheel. Each was marked with a simple image of a trumpet. "Pressing the right horn button or the center of the wheel will honk the horn like normal." Bliss pressed the center of the wheel in and the card make a loud report. "The left horn's different, though. Push that one, and it'll put a human into a trance--knock 'em out for about a minute, give or take. It's good for any time you need to get rid of some witnesses without leaving bodies."

"Sounds good. Do they remember anything about the trance?"

"Nah, they usually think they've fainted or passed out or something.

"Moving on to these ones," Blix gestured at three buttons distributed beneath the horn buttons. "These are the cruise control, at least as far as any humans in the car are concerned. This car is a semi-intelligent entity and has its own Nexus tap. Hit ON and it'll drive itself to your destination, changing lanes and making turns as necessary. It'll even signal properly. As you might guess, hitting OFF or tapping the break pedal will drop it back to full manual control. I wouldn't recommend using the cruise control when anyone is in position to see the inside of the passenger compartment."

"Why not?" said Darrus. "Self-driving cars have been around for more than a century."

"But out of production for a few decades. They used common routing satellites--there was too much potential for terrorism. One well-placed hack could send a hundred cars smashing the front of a chosen building. Rehnquist had the routers powered down a few months after he took power. So if somebody sees your car drive itself--"

"They'll know something's not normal about it."

"Right on." nodded Blix. "Now here's where your cruise control gets interesting. Tap 'Set Accel" to enable the car to overwalk. You do just like you would normally, except the car goes with you. This indicator here," Blix pointed to an orange LED on the dashboard display, "tells you whether or not its enabled. You have to be a little more careful about overwalking a car--people have an easier time noticing when it goes in a tunnel and disappears, especially the one's in traffic around you. Now, this next part will help you out with that."

Blix reached up and hit one of two buttons on the ceiling. The dome light came on. "The front button does exactly what you'd think it does--turns the dome light on and off." He clicked it again and the light went off. "The back button, on the other hand, will turn lights outside the vehicle on and off. It'll know which light you want. It's a good way to blind any humans around you, whether you need a patch of darkness or a sudden bright light. Just FYI, this thing's only good on artificial lights. Sunlight, starlight, hell, even fireflies, aren't bothered by it at all. Keep that in mind."

"Gotcha." said Darrus.

"Other than that, this thing works like a normal Spirit. Any questions?"

"Yes, actually. I'd planned to bring a Nightmare with me, and I don't think it'll fit anywhere in here."

"Hm..." Blix scratched his beard. "How big are we talking?"

"About 12 feet at full height, fourteen long including the tail, maybe eight feet wide."

"Damn, that's a big-un." said Blix. "Nope, won't fit inside...but I think I know a workaround. Give me a couple of hours and I should have it ready."

"Glad to hear it. My other question is, where's the ashtray in here?"